Clarity is Your Power
September 13, 2018
I’m working with a client right now who is incredibly smart, organized, and driven. Like many ambitious, strong managers trying to find their footing, she can also be unpredictable to those around her—acting “nice” when making requests of others and then charging hard at them when they don’t deliver.
The middle ground that she’s working on mastering—that we all need to master—is simply to be clear. It’s the hardest thing for people to do—to look someone in the eye and straightforwardly make a request, or give critical feedback. (And then if the individual doesn’t perform, to have that conversation in a straightforward, clear and non-judgmental way.)
I find that when a manger has trouble being straightforward, it’s often because she doubts her own worth. Am I really qualified to be doing this? Will they take my request seriously? And so the “nice” is turned on in hopes that the other person will listen. If they don’t, the anger comes out as the manager’s way of asserting her senior position.
None of this builds any credibility with your staff. In fact, it often leads to your words being misunderstood. If you’re cushioning critical feedback with too much fluff, your report may not actually hear the feedback part. And lashing out will either breed fear and inhibition—which is not what you want if you you’re trying to run a forward-thinking organization—or turn people off to your authority altogether.
Being straightforward can be hard because it requires you to be comfortable with your authority, confident in your point of view, and unconcerned about others’ perceptions of you—but these three things are essential to leadership.
So the next time you feel yourself turning on the charm with a subordinate (As in, "Hey, it would be really great if you would..."), catch your breath, look them in the eye, and instead say what you need to say in as few words as possible. You will be surprised by how powerful this feels, and how well people respond.
When giving critical feedback, do the same thing. For example, rather than “I told you to have this to me by today at noon! It’s 2:00! What happened?” which will lead to excuses and accusations, simply say, “I asked for this by noon today. You haven’t delivered it yet. That can’t happen again, and I need it by 3:00.” End of discussion.
As a manager, your job isn’t to be nice, or mean. Your job is to be fair and empowering. Any behavior on your part that falls outside of “fair” and “empowering” is likely coming from your own discomfort with or insecurity about your power and authority. It’s time to get comfortable with it. The more you challenge yourself to be clear and say what you mean, the more you will start to feel like—and be respected as—the leader you are.